Swann's Way

Government and with Providence that I should be the first writer of
my day. But at other times, while my parents were growing impatient
at seeing me loiter behind instead of following them, my actual life,
instead of seeming an artificial creation by my father, and one which he
could modify as he chose, appeared, on the contrary, to be comprised in
a larger reality which had not been created for my benefit, from whose
judgments there was no appeal, in the heart of which I was bound,
helpless, without friend or ally, and beyond which no further
possibilities lay concealed. It was evident to me then that I existed in
the same manner as all other men, that I must grow old, that I must die
like them, and that among them I was to be distinguished merely as one
of those who have no aptitude for writing. And so, utterly despondent, I
renounced literature for ever, despite the encouragements that had been
given me by Bloch. This intimate, spontaneous feeling, this sense of the
nullity of my intellect, prevailed against all the flattering speeches
that might be lavished upon me, as a wicked man, when everyone is loud
in the praise of his good deeds, is gnawed by the secret remorse of